Just This Once (The Kings)

Stress was eating me alive.noveldrama

I couldn’t help the impending sense of dread that pooled in my stomach. I felt off and not at all like myself. Plus, I still hadn’t made a decision or told Whip about the job offer. He had been acting weird for days, and despite our public outing, the whispers behind our backs only seemed to intensify. It was a startling realization that the pressures of small-town life were no joke. In the span of days I’d gone from feeling on top of the world to floundering in daunting silence.

Whip didn’t have work in the morning, so in an effort to find some kind of normalcy, I’d asked him to take me out. By the time we reached the Grudge, nearly every table was full, and the band was deep into a set of country classics. The dance floor was packed, and we skirted the crowd to find somewhere to sit on the King side.

When there wasn’t a single seat, I squeezed his arm. “There’s a few over there.” I bounced my chin toward the opposite side of the bar. “Maybe one night doesn’t matter.”

His face crinkled. “Of course it matters. We’re not sitting over there.”

“Okay . . .” Annoyed at his clipped tone, I kept searching. “What about in the middle? Maybe we can be like Sylvie and Duke.”

A dismissive grunt was his only response. When minutes ticked by and the crowd got only thicker, Whip grabbed my hand. “You know what? Fuck this. Let’s go.”

Taken aback by his abruptness, I allowed Whip to lead me toward the exit and out into the warm summer evening. Without stopping, he continued down the main sidewalk toward the beachfront.

“Hey, slow down.” I dug my heels in and slowed us to a stop. Annoyance rippled over Whip’s features. I hated that I didn’t understand why. There was still so much about the man in front of me that I didn’t fully understand. When we dove in headfirst, we’d been temporary, at best. Then before I knew it, he’d become the center of my world.

Part of that felt so right, all the while I actively ignored the ping of warning bells at the back of my mind. The same ones that reminded me of this familiar pattern. But something shifted the other night when we’d made love. He hadn’t told me he loved me, but there was an intensity to him that was unmistakable.

Would he still care about me if I had to leave? Why in the world wouldn’t he replace me with something—someone—easier and closer to home?

I wanted him to beg me to stay. If he only said the words, I’d do it.

The pleading that seeped into my eyes was uncomfortable. I wanted to scream at him that I loved him. Terrified of being that vulnerable, I held back.

Maybe it’s not enough.

I worried that carving out a piece of myself, leaving behind everything I had worked for would only rot us from the inside.

Whip sighed and held my hand, not saying the words I so desperately needed to hear. He shook his head. “Turns out I can make a mess of things just like Dickie Johnson.”

My brows pinched together. “What?”

He shook his head in dismissal and headed toward his truck. “Maybe he was the better choice after all.”

He winked but instead of feeling the playful zip, my chest hollowed. “Why would you say that?”

He didn’t look my way. “I was just kidding.”

“Fine.” I scoffed, feeling wrung out and annoyed. “Just make a joke to avoid the mess.”

When we reached his truck, he wrenched the passenger-side door open. “It’s no joke. You just haven’t realized it yet.”

A rush of emotion washed over me, too tired to beat the feelings back down. Tears swam in my eyes as I stood in front of the open door but didn’t get in. Understanding of the man in front of me finally came into focus. “You know what? Fine. I think I do finally believe you.”

His hand dropped, but his defenses were visibly rising as he crossed his arms. “And what’s that, Prim?”

I bit down to keep from crying. After a steadying breath, I finally looked him in the eyes. “I can’t make you want to see the good in yourself. Sure, I might not always be the best at showing my feelings, but I would be the best at caring for the man you hide from the world, and I can only do it if you stop hiding.”

His arms spread wide. “I’m not hiding. I’m right here. Maybe you just don’t like what you see.”

I scoffed as hurt morphed into anger and bubbled inside me. “Somehow it always boils down to me, doesn’t it?”

“I didn’t––” Whip sighed. “Prim, come on.”

I shook my head. “No. As soon as things get hard or ugly, you’re pulling back.”

His eyes reflected dismay and irritation. “I’m the distant one?”

His words were a slap in the face––too close to accurate for me to not feel hurt.

And next thing you know, he’ll find someone less closed off.

Gathering my courage, I brushed past him. “I’m going to stay at my apartment tonight.”

“Why?” It was impossible to ignore the annoyance and panic in his voice. “Look, I’m sorry I said that––I’m just having a bad night.”

I sniffed and hated myself for it. “It’s fine. I just need a little space to think. Don’t make this a big deal.”

Whip slammed the passenger door closed. “It is a big deal. If you haven’t noticed, you’ve become my whole deal, and now you’re acting like I’m some needy boyfriend.”

My control was slipping, and my voice cracked into the night. “Look, I am trying so hard here!”

He shook his head as sadness seeped over his handsome face. “That’s the thing, Prim. You don’t have to try.”

I angrily swiped under my eyes and let out a frustrated groan. “Do we really have to do this on the sidewalk? We both knew what this was.”

He settled his hands on his hips and frowned at me. “I thought I did. Do you?”

“We’re having fun. Casual, right?” I forced a smile, but it didn’t reach my eyes.

Please, Whip. Tell me I’m wrong.

Tension vibrated between us. Whip raised a hand to point in the direction of his house. “Have you completely forgotten about the past few days? The past few months? I had hoped I’d have a little more time before you pulled the rug out from under me, but apparently this is it. You know what? Fine. If you want to run, run.” He scoffed in dismissal as I shrank in on myself. “Your exit was overdue anyway.”

I shook my head as hurt seeped into my bones. “What are you talking about? I am right here!”

I could physically feel him pulling away despite the mere feet that separated us. A knot twisted in my stomach until I felt sick.

“Why are you doing this?” His voice was broken.

“Doing what?” I pleaded. Why was asking for space to think so wrong?

His molars ground together. “You know what I’m asking. You’re the one pulling away. I can see it happening.”

My emotions were stacking—one slamming on top of the other—and I could feel my control slipping.

He gestured between us before I could speak. “Why are you acting like you don’t feel this?”

I desperately needed to get this conversation under control before I completely lost my way and threw myself at his feet. A deep part of me needed to prove to myself that I didn’t need anyone, that I could stand on my own, but my world was crumbling. I was grasping, desperate to control the unraveling of my life.

“I got a job offer.” The words came out flat and unemotional.

“What?” He softened. “That’s great. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I clenched my jaw. “It’s near Ann Arbor. If I take it, I would definitely have to move—there’s no way I could make that commute work.”

His gaze was steely as hurt flashed across his face. “Oh. I see.”

“I have to figure out what to do.” I swallowed hard against the bitter truth that was rattling in my brain. “We talked about this, right?” I paused, willing the words to not sound as hollow as they felt. “We both agreed it was just sex.”

I bit back the words, but it was too late. Old Emily had reared her head, and instead of leaning into what I was feeling, I hid behind my walls. Sure, the words were true, but they weren’t true.

For the briefest moment, his eyes bounced between mine as if he was searching for the lie—confirmation that whatever was between us was far from casual.

“You should have told me about the job offer.” His anger bubbled over at my dismissal as he rounded the truck.

I lifted my chin. “I wanted to find the right time. I wasn’t planning on doing this here.” My arms spread wide to make a point that standing in front of the Sugar Bowl and airing our issues was less than ideal.

Whip shook his head and yanked open the driver’s-side door. “Trust me, Prim, I wasn’t planning on falling in love with you!”

Realization of what he said jolted through me. I was dumbstruck at my own ignorance, but I knew in my bones his words were true. Despite my sharp tongue and shoving down my feelings, Whip was fighting for me anyway.

He was in love with me, and I knew I would do anything I could to keep him.

Shock overtook my face as my eyes went wide and my mouth dropped into a little O. “Wait, what? Whip. I haven’t decided—I . . .”

Frustrated, Whip dragged a hand through his hair. “Look, I get that you’re leaving. I hate it, but you were bound to leave eventually. Just don’t treat what we had like it was only some summer you fucked a firefighter behind your dad’s back.”

And without looking back, Whip closed the door and drove away.